We have great intentions don’t we? If our life was measured by our intentions we would all be very successful in all aspects of life. We intend to have great marriages. We intend to have deep friendships. We intend to be completely honest. We intend to share all of our heart. We intend to be fully known. What prevents our intentions from being reality?
There are three fears that have robbed me of what I have wanted for myself and desired for my marriage and friendships. When any or all of these fears are greater than our intentions to be fully known, intimacy will be always be the casualty. These three fears may be holding you back from having the marriage you want; the relationship with God you want; the friendships you desire.
1. Fear of Being Found Out
When we have something we are hiding, we will never experience intimacy at its greatest level. When we fear being found out we withhold ourselves from those we care about most. Our fear will over take our heart and we will stress out and we will imagine worst case scenarios and we will allow the fear of being found out to do more damage than simply telling the truth.Most of the time trying to hide the truth only leads us to what we fear the most: being found out.
2. Fear of Not Being Loved
Insecurity has robbed me of being fully known in so many relationships. When you allow the fear of not being loved to live in your heart, you are never fully yourself. You are constantly tempted to change who you are to live up to what you perceive others’ expectations to be. You are not happy being you and you feel like you are never appreciated for who you truly are. Fear of not being loved robs you of what you fear losing: Love.
3. Fear of Emotional Pain
There is an equation that we all calculate when pursuing intimacy: If I share this will the pain I experience be worth it in the end. If I share my heart; if I bring this into the light; if I open this can of worms will it be worth it? Those of us that fear emotional pain are great at pretending like things are okay in our life; in our marriage; in a friendship; even when they are not okay. We compromise intimacy by trying to avoid pain and in the end we cause ourselves and others what we fear the most: pain.
Maybe the marriage you want; the friendship you intend to have; the person you intend to be is being held back by one word: Fear.
What you intend to have and the intimacy you desire can be yours…if you will overcome your fears.