We started this blog series yesterday, talking about the mistakes that we allow to creep into our marriage. These are the mistakes that probably won’t cause divorce, but they will keep us from experiencing the marriage we long for and the marriage God has in mind for us. Yesterday, we talked about scorekeeping. We continue today with part two.
On Wednesday, October 12, 2005 I woke up and didn’t know where I was. I looked around the room and nothing looked familiar. I was in a bed that wasn’t my own. I was in a house that didn’t belong to me. As I sat up in the bed, I could see all of my clothes stacked up against the wall. In that moment the reality of where I was came crashing down. I was separated from Trisha and our boys because of the destructive decisions I had made that resulted in my choice to have an affair.
In that moment, everything changed. I realized all of the time that I had wasted sweating the small stuff in our marriage.
It is a mistake that many of us make in our marriage relationship. We give level 10 responses to level 2 issues. We go off about dishes not being done. We fly off the handle about our spouse being 10 minutes late. We get so upset when our spouse forgets to pick something up from the grocery store. If we are honest, we waste a lot of time being angry about things that don’t really matter. We treat the person that means the most to us really bad over things that are pretty insignificant. We sweat the small stuff and it robs us of our ability to enjoy the big stuff.
Our separation put this is perspective for me. When I was living in someone else’s house; eating around someone else’s table; spending time with a family that wasn’t my own, I didn’t care about toys that weren’t picked up or dinner that wasn’t ready or laundry that wasn’t folded. More than anything else, I just wanted my family back.
Are you sweating the small stuff in your marriage? Are you so consumed with all your spouse doesn’t do right that you can’t even see all the things they do well? Do you give level 10 responses to level 2 issues? Are you wasting time focusing on things that really don’t matter?
You don’t have to end up separated from your spouse before you understand this mistake. Maybe the mistake that’s holding you back from the marriage you desire is a matter of focus and perspective. Change that, and you can change your marriage.