What I’ve learned over the past few years is that most of the dysfunction in my friendships; most of the problems I have with co-workers; most of the issues that I have in my marriage are driven by one thing: insecurity. Most of the time it is my own insecurity. Sometimes it is the insecurity of someone else.
The truth about me and the truth about most of us is that we don’t believe that God is enough. We say we do, but we live our lives in a state of insecurity.
We are insecure about our looks; we are insecure about our relationships; we are insecure about our gifts and abilities. When we allow our insecurity to lead our lives we will look to other things to give us what only God can: identity.
Here are three things that if not checked will fuel your insecurity:
1. Comparison: If you struggle with the comparison game, you live with a sense of discontentment. Your house is never big enough. Your car is never nice enough. Your kids are not popular enough. Your spouse isn’t perfect enough. Your salary is never large enough. Your boss is never appreciative enough. Your body is never thin enough. Your looks are never beautiful enough. When we allow comparison to filter through our insecurities, we will always lose. We will measure our self-worth by what someone else has or has accomplished.
If you could just be more like your sister. If you could just accomplish as much as your college roommate. If you could just be as smart/talented/rich/successful as your best friend. If you were promoted like your co-worker…then you’d have worth. The problem with comparison is it only feeds our insecurity.
2. Jealousy: When you are jealous of someone, you resent them for what they have or what they have accomplished. When we allow jealousy to live in our heart, we will look for opportunities to power up on the people we are jealous of. We will one up them; we will brag to them; we will remind them of our status or our position or our authority.
3. Fear: Fear allows you to be more concerned with someone else’s actions more than you are your own heart. Fear will constantly feed your sense of insecurity. Fear will drive you to try to control relationships. If you can control their reaction. If you can control their performance. If you can control their response. If you can control their success. If you can control their life….you convince yourself that having that control will calm your fears.
Acting out of fear doesn’t lessen the fear in your heart; it only allows it to grow.
We expend so much energy trying to hide our insecurities. We spend so much time pretending like we don’t have insecurities. We pretend like we don’t struggle with comparison or jealousy or fear.
Admitting our insecurity allows us to find our security in the person of Jesus Christ.
Finding our security in Christ allows us to find our identity in Him as well.