July 15, 1995
Yesterday, Trisha and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. It feels weird just typing that. We don’t feel old enough to be married that long. If you know our story, you know how tough our marriage has been and how amazing our marriage has been.
One of the goals of RefineUs is to be open and honest about our mistakes, failures and regrets. Our desire is to share those things so we can learn and grow as a community. We want our story to help inspire your story. We have made mistakes, but we’ve done a lot of things well too. Those are the things that have enabled us to be married for 17 years.
So today, I’d like to share with you 5 things that Trisha has done and continues to do that helps make our marriage great. I share these things because these are 5 things I think every husband needs from their wife.
1. Loyalty
Trish is the most loyal person I’ve ever met. The definition of loyal is “faithful”. She is faithful to God. She is faithful to her beliefs. She is faithful to her commitments. She is faithful to her vows. Often at the expense of her own feelings, desires and goals, she is loyal. The byproduct of loyalty is trust. I trust her. Every word she says I believe. Because of her loyalty I have never not trusted her. Every husband needs a loyal wife.
2. Encouragement
The first time we went to Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago, I was in awe. It was a church of 18,000 people at that time and their pastor, Bill Hybels, was and is one of my heroes. We walked out and got into the car and I said, “What did you think?” Trisha said, “I think you can be as good of a leader and speaker as Bill Hybels.” I started looking for the crack pipe in her purse. 
In my darkest of times, in my lowest moments, Trish has a spirit of encouragement that lifts my head and helps my heart. Every husband needs an encouraging wife. It is a marriage changer.
3. Sex
I wanted to put this as number one on the list, but I wanted wives to at least read part of the post. If you know our story, Trisha writes a lot about the different ways she got this wrong during the first ten years of our marriage. The last seven years, she has done her best to understand God’s vision and purpose for sex, and understand my need and desire for sex. Her willingness to lean into this area of our marriage has completely changed the dynamic of our relationship. Every husband needs their wife to pursue them sexually.
4. Common Interests
We hear couples talk all the time about not having anything in common. Trisha has done an amazing job of making sure that will never happen. From the early years of our marriage till this very day, Trish has taken interest in what I am interested in. She watches sports with me. She understands basketball and knows players on different teams. It has meant so much to me over the years that she loves something because I love it. It has done wonders in her relationship with our boys too. Every husband needs a wife that loves something simply because he loves it.
5. Prayer
Trisha prays for me. She has read different entries of her journal to me at times and one thing that always stands out to me is her intentionality in praying for me. I don’t think we would be married today if she hadn’t prayed for me for the past 17 years. Prayer has allowed her to be faithful. Prayer has given her the right word of encouragement. Prayer has given her a sexual desire for me. Prayer has allowed her to be selfless and put someone eles’s interest ahead of her own. Prayer has changed her heart to love me and forgive me when both seemed impossible to do. Every husband needs their wife to pray for them.
Tomorrow, Trish will share with you what every wife needs from their husband.
What would you add to this list?
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