Trisha and I view our role at RefineUs as an honor. We feel honored to be able to share a part of your day; to be a part of your relationships and a part of your spiritual journey. We routinely talk through blog post ideas and discuss themes and direction for content each week. I had a blog post outlined and thought through for today and everything seemed fine.
We got home from my grandma’s funeral last night around 11:00 PM. Ten hours of travel in 24 hours was hard. The funeral took an emotional toll on each of us, and we were all wiped. My plan was to watch a few minutes of Sportscenter to decompress, then write the blog post I had planned, then go to bed.
I opened my computer and the screen taunted me. Nothing felt like it flowed. Nothing seemed to be coming together. I was typing words, they were just work and not an overflow of my heart.
There was nothing to flow over…I was spent.
Then that voice in my head started up…the voice of insecurity disguised as pride.
“You have to do a blog post tomorrow, you didn’t do one today.”
“You have people counting on you for life-changing content, you just need to crank this out.”
“If you don’t write something then you will be letting a lot of people down.”
I closed my computer and just sat there in silence. I stood at a crossroads I had been to before. Do I do something out of an obligation; out of my own sense of pride; out of insecurity of not wanting to disappoint people, or do I simply go to bed and know that its okay to not try to give something that I don’t have to give?
I’m ashamed to admit how many times pride has won that battle. I can’t even tell you how many times my insecurity has driven me to speak, write or teach not out of an overflow of my heart, but simply because I wanted to be accepted, patted on the back or complimented.
Not last night. Last night was blog post fail. Last night I was reminded that RefineUs isn’t about me, Trisha or cranking out blog posts. It is about the refining work of Christ in each of our hearts. I don’t ever want to trade “cranking out a post” for the refining of my heart.
So while I’m sorry that there is no blog post for today…I’m thankful to be a part of a community like this that loves one another into the likeness of Christ.
Our commitment to you is to do our best to practice what we write. So, tomorrow may be blog post fail again…my bigger prayer is that we will choose to live out of the overflow of all that God is doing in our heart.