On Monday we got really honest about why guys struggle with being successful at their jobs, but not feeling successful at home. We heard from some women that said that this wasn’t a gender thing, that women feel that way too. As a guy writing the post, I didn’t want to speak for anyone other than guys. The bottom line is that we don’t often have the success at home that we desire because we give to our jobs what we aren’t willing to give to our marriages.
Today, I want to speak to women about three things that your husband desperately needs from you, that he most likely gets from his job. These three things drive him. These three things cause him to want to do well. These three things keep him working overtime. These three things cause him to say he is going to be home at 5, but then shows up at 5:53.
These are three things that he needs from you far more than from his job.
Most guys work hard at their jobs so they can gain affirmation. They want someone to feel proud of them. They want to hear that what they are doing matters and that they are being successful. They want to be noticed and affirmed for doing well. Every man needs this at home too. They need to be told good job. They need to be affirmed and noticed. Are you affirming? Do you notice the great things he does or only the things that he fails to do? Do you make him feel like a success or like a failure?
One of the things that has driven my entire life has been the desire to be accepted. As men, we don’t really talk about this much, but this desire lives in the heart of every man. It is why we go out for sports. It’s why we join clubs. It is why we buy certain clothes. It is part of our DNA. Most guys believe that if they work hard enough and long enough and are successful enough they will find acceptance. The problem is that acceptance at work is conditional. It is based on our performance. As a wife, you have the ability to offer unconditional acceptance. To love and believe in your husband can fill one of the biggest desires of his heart.
Guys are driven to accomplish. We have sales goals. We have performance objectives. We have all of these things at work that tell us, “You are good enough. You have what it takes.” Honestly, most guys go home to an environment that they feel a very small sense of accomplishment. Most guys feel like their wife doesn’t think anything they do is good enough. They are always falling short. They are a constant disappointment. So most guys become more comfortable being at work than being at home. They feel more successful as an employee than they do as a husband.
Here is the deal. As a wife, God has given you the role and capacity to fill each of these emotional needs in your husband. None of these needs are bad. They become destructive when as men, we start looking outside of our relationship with God and with our spouse to find fulfillment in them.
Today is a new day. You can start today. Affirm your husband. Accept him for who he is not what you wish he was. Help him feel a sense of accomplishment in your marriage.
You give him these 3 things, you change everything about your marriage.