The Holiday season is one of great joy and excitement, but it is also one of the most stressful times of the year. Schedules get busier. Budgets get tighter. Obligations increase. Families spend more concentrated time together.
A time we anticipate will bring us closer together as a couple and family often times creates the most tension on our marriage relationship. One of our biggest fights in almost 18 years of marriage came as we celebrated Christmas. (You can read about the fight by downloading Chapter 1 of our book for free)
There are only 15 days left until Christmas, so the pressure is going to accumulate. I wanted to take a few minutes today to give the guys of RefineUs a little cheat sheet on how to best navigate the Christmas season and not just stay married, but build into your wife along the way. Ladies, you can help me help you by emailing this to your husband.
These are NOT things I’ve done right every year…but rather examples I’ve learned after years of failure. Here are 4 things you should say to your wife between now and Christmas.
1. “How can I help?”
As a guy, it isn’t that we don’t want to help, it is that we don’t know what we should do. So rather than jumping in and doing something, it is easy for us to just sit and channel surf. Our wives don’t feel like they should have to ask us for help because we should just see that they need help. Let me save you at least 3 arguments over the next two weeks: four little words…“How can I help.” Those words will build instant value into your wife.
2. “I got the kids (tonight; tomorrow night; Friday), why don’t you go out with your friends?”
My wife handles a lot of responsibility in our home through out the year, but she does even more at Christmas. My guess is that your wife works pretty hard too. What if you offered her a night out with friends just to take a break. No strings attached. No expectation of anything in return. You hang with the kids, she has dinner with a friend. HUGE value added to your wife.
3. “Don’t worry about ____________, my mom is crazy.”
Because my mom reads our blog daily, there has never been an instance I’ve said this to Trish. But you may need to say it to your wife. The heart of #3 is to remind you that you and your wife are a team. Build into your wife by reminding her that you’re in this together.
4. “You are incredible and I really appreciate you.”
The role of wife and mom are two of the most under-appreciated jobs on the planet. It isn’t that I don’t appreciate my wife, it is just that I don’t say it as much as I should. You will add huge value to your wife by simply telling her that you appreciate all she does for you and your family.
Our words are powerful. They can bring life to our relationships. My prayer is that you would choose to share words with your wife this Christmas that bring life and value to your marriage.