I came to a crossroads almost six years ago that changed every aspect of my life and marriage. It was a decision to come out of hiding. The secret I had kept of my struggle with pornography had robbed me of so much in my life and marriage.
Over the past few weeks, I have met with and talked to several (more than 10) guys that have come to the same cross roads. They want something different in their relationship with God. They want something different for themselves. They want something different in their marriage. They are tired of hiding.
Pornography doesn’t kill you all at once…it kills you a little at a time. It doesn’t suffocate your marriage all at once…it suffocates it a little at a time. Over time you begin to ask yourself questions like:
- Why are my wife and I so distant?
- Why are we not connecting?
- Why do we fight about so many little things?
- Why is our sex life not what either of us want or desire?
- Why are we always on each other’s nerves?
- Why do we not have a spiritual aspect to our marriage?
Pornography promises feelings of intimacy, then never delivers. Pornography causes you to give your mind and heart to something that God has designed for only your spouse to receive. Pornography is an intimacy assassin.
Based on my own journey and the journey of so many other people I’ve talked with, there are a few things you can do today to begin to find freedom from pornography:
- Start Telling Yourself the Truth: If you struggle with porn, you have told yourself more than once, “I’m never doing that again.” “That was the last time I’m doing that.” When you tell yourself that you are going to quit and then you don’t, you have an addiction. Be honest with yourself. That is the first step to freedom.
- Tell Someone Else: There is power in the bringing light into dark places. For most guys, and for myself, the power of shame and secrets had gripped my heart and I didn’t want anyone to know the truth about me. In fact, I had convinced myself that if anyone knew the truth about me, I would be judged and labeled for the rest of my life. In order to break the power this has on your heart, you have to tell someone.
- Tell Your Spouse the Truth: At some point, there has to be a time when you tell your spouse the truth. This is so difficult, but essential. Intimacy in a marriage can only be as deep as the level of truth that is shared. Why a lot of marriages struggle in the area of intimacy is because of this struggle. It will be a very difficult conversation…but what you are keeping from your spouse is slowly causing your marriage to drift.
- Find a counselor. If you are committed to telling yourself the truth, and telling your spouse the truth, you will need some help in walking in freedom. Counseling helped me find healing and wholeness for parts of my heart that I didn’t even know were broke. You and your spouse will need this.
I know not everyone reading this post today struggles with pornography. I also know that there are people reading this post that are hiding their struggle with pornography.
Freedom is possible.
I hope you choose it today.