3 Letters that Hurt Any Marriage

Aug 29, 2022

What if I told you that many marriages are held back by one word? Would you believe that 3 letters actually prevent many marriages from being all God created them to be?

There is one word that has the power to paralyze your marriage and keep you from the life-giving, love-exchanging marriage God has in mind for you.

For years this word invaded our marriage and made it mediocre.

Three letters carry the power to make any marriage average. B U T.

  • I know I have an anger problem…BUT
  • I know I haven’t forgiven him…BUT
  • It’s true that I occasionally look at porn…BUT
  • I do use sex to manipulate my husband…BUT
  • I haven’t been completely honest with my wife…BUT
  • I invest more in my job than I do our marriage…BUT
  • I am not where I need to be spiritually as a wife…BUT
  • Yes, I’m chatting with my old boyfriend on Facebook…BUT
  • I am a control freak with our money…BUT
  • I make her feel guilty all the time…BUT
  • I know I don’t stick to our budget…BUT
  • I said I would change…BUT

Each of us believe we are a better spouse to our spouse than they are to us. That belief may not be spoken or verbally articulated, but it is seeps out through conflict, hurt or the heat of an argument.

That belief is expressed when we acknowledge our flaws and mistakes but then deflect responsibility off of ourselves and onto our spouse.

I know I have this problem, BUT she does this. I know I have this issue, BUT he does this.

We aren’t capable of changing our spouse so we use our spouse’s weaknesses or imperfections to justify our choices, behavior or character flaws. 
No one wins.
You lose because you aren’t allowing God to change you. Your spouse loses because you are constantly keeping score of their mess-ups. Your marriage loses because it stays in a cycle of mediocrity.

Maybe today, you need to kick “but.” You need to identify the areas of your marriage you are trying to shift responsibility off of yourself and onto your spouse. What if you went to your spouse and just owned your brokenness? What if you said to them that you take responsibility for all of your flaws without brining up theirs? That is a game changer. That is you choosing to move beyond mediocre and give your marriage the chance to be extraordinary.