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I'm Okay...You're Okay

Jul 28, 2022

For years one of my biggest fears was asking for help. When you pretend like you have all the answers, why would you need help? I remember one time in 1999, we were not doing well financially, so Trisha asked our senior pastor Mark Malin and his wife if they would help us create a budget. She opened up our entire financial history to them! It was like she had committed treason in my mind. She knew how mad that incident made me, and that was the last time we admitted to anyone that we had any kind of weakness in our marriage…until it imploded in 2005. I was so desperate and so broken at that point, and I wanted to restore my marriage so much, counseling seemed like a “normal” step.

The best 8 months of my life were the months that I went to counseling. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be honest with another person and say, “I’m not okay. I am broken and I am jacked up, I need help so I can heal and become whole. Here is ALL of me.” What God did during that time, I believe saved my life, my faith and my marriage.

  • I came to terms with sexual abuse I experienced as a child
  • I recognized and admitted a pornography addiction I had denied
  • I understood how unresolved brokenness from my past impacted every aspect of my life, my marriage and my relationship with my kids
  • I received and experienced unconditional grace and mercy from a person that saw the darkest parts of my heart
  • I was given a plan to implement that led to recovery and healing

We have dealt with a lot as a family the past few months. My parents divorced earlier this year, 35 years of marriage. There is a ton that I am still processing as it relates to their situation and how it fits into my story. A few months later, I had trust broken by two family members. It has rocked me to the core of my being. We have moved back into ministry, moved to a new city, my kids started new schools, I started a new job, and we are trying to create a new life. Over the past few weeks I have sensed God speaking to my heart saying…”You are not okay. You need help processing this stuff.”

I’m excited to say that Trisha and I restart counseling tomorrow. I’m thankful to be able sit down and just talk through some of this. I want to understand how to navigate this season of my life so I can become more of the man, husband, father and pastor God longs for me to be. I feel a freedom to admit my need for help, because that is when God shows up most powerfully.

I’d love to hear from you…what has your experience been with counselors? Good experiences? Bad experiences? It is hard for you to admit your need for help? Leave a comment and share with us where you are in this area of “I’m okay, you’re okay.”

We will be sharing in the weeks ahead with the refineus community how God refines us during this time.