I'm The Worst Father EverAug 28, 2022
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I was a better husband. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I was a better dad. Often, those thoughts get the best of me. I think through something I said that crushed one of the boys. I think about how much time I spent over the weekend returning email instead of hanging out with them.
The thing that gets me down the most is when I start comparing my dad skills to other dads. I can’t build a tree house like Blake. I don’t have four-wheelers like Pete. I don’t like to fish like Tom. The comparison game is one I never win.
Last week I had one of those “worst dad ever” feelings as Trisha and I walked into the school for a meeting with our youngest son Isaiah’s teacher; guidance counselor and a few other administrators. They thought that Isaiah had a learning disability and wanted to test him. This was the “results of the test” meeting. There were a ton of thoughts going through my mind as we sat down:
- Isaiah has a learning disability because you didn’t read to him more
- Isaiah has a learning disability because you don’t help him with his homework enough
- Isaiah has a learning disability because you’ve made him change schools so many times
- Isaiah has a learning disability because you aren’t the dad you should be
They started the meeting talking about how much progress Isaiah has made in the past few weeks. His attention span is improving as are his math and writing skills. Then his teacher opened his note book and said, “Look at his journal. Look at how nicely he has printed and how he has correct sentence structure.” I didn’t hear a word she said after that. I read the first sentence of his journal entry from the previous week and I saw all I needed to see.
Isaiah wrote, “What I loved about my Christmas vacation the most was making a snowman with my dad.”
Huh?? More than the video game I got him? More than his new shoes? More than going to the movies?
That snowman was not that impressive…but it was to him. What I realized in that moment is that my son doesn’t need me to be like any other dad…he needs me to be me.
Maybe you feel like the worst husband. Maybe you feel like the worst friend. Maybe you feel like a failure every day as a mom or as a wife. Maybe you feel like you give the best to a relationship and its never enough. Maybe you look at someone else’s relationship with God and feel like you’ll never be that spiritual, that holy, that put together. You compare your gifts with someone else. You compare your weaknesses with someone else. You feel like a failure because you can’t win the comparison game…not at home, not at work, not with God.
The people in your life don’t need you to be better than the person you compare yourself to…they just want you to make a snowman with them.
While the snowman is being created, so are the memories that will last a life time.