Not That Far Away

When I was in high school I remember my basketball coach saying, “For every day you don’t practice, it will take you two days to get better than you are today.” I have no idea if that was a true statement, but it stuck with me. It upped my commitment to practice. I didn’t want to take a day off.

When I got married, I just assumed that love would compensate for a lot. I loved my wife, so I could take a day off here and there.

• We love each other so date nights can be optional
• We love each other so working 80 hours a week will be ok
• We love each other so she knows how sorry I am for losing my temper
• We love each other so not doing most of the things that caused us to want to be married in the first place will be fine

Most marriages don’t crash and burn all at once. Most count on their stated love for one another to compensate for a slow drift away from loving choices.

What we’ve learned is that most average marriages are only a few intentional choices away from becoming great. The problem is that most of us don’t make intentional choices, we just have good intentions. It’s not that we don’t have the desire for our marriage to change, it’s just we don’t make the commitment to the change we desire. 

Lasting change in our marriage starts with allowing God to change our hearts. Only you can choose that. Your spouse can’t choose that for you and most importantly, you can’t choose that for your spouse. All you can pray is, “God change me.” That is a prayer God loves to answer.

So assuming that heart change is mutually pursued here are a few small, intentional steps you can choose that will make a huge difference in your marriage.

• Pray for your wife before you go to bed
• Write a love note and put it somewhere your husband will find it
• Go out on a date this Saturday without the kids
• Pray for your husband and text him and tell him you’re praying for him
• Go to coffee and talk about 2013 goals that you have
• Don’t turn on the TV for an evening and just sit and talk
• Buy her flowers for no particular reason
• Initiate sexual intimacy with him for no particular reason
• Say, “I love you” in writing, in speech and in text messages every day
• Stop pointing out what your spouse does wrong tell them what you love about them

As you look at this list, it doesn’t qualify as rocket science. It seems pretty basic as you read it. Most of us have great intentions in doing this list…but great intentions won’t change your marriage.

My guess is your marriage isn’t that far away from greatness. It is only a few intentional choices away.

Good news: You can start today.