They May Seem Obvious

I had the honor of performing a wedding on Saturday. I love being able to share in a couple’s special day. As I was giving the message during the ceremony, I spoke about 3 things that have helped Trisha and I  journey together and love each other more today than we did the day we got married. We obviously haven’t always gotten these right, but they are the foundation to the marriage we have today.

As I was driving home I thought about how simple and obvious the things I shared are. They aren’t rocket science. But as broken and imperfect human beings they are really hard to live out. My guess is even if you have been married for a while, these will be obvious to read, but maybe not so obvious in your marriage. I truly believe that making a decision to do these three things changes the entire climate of your marriage. Here’s the advice I gave them (and you and me): 

1. Pursue each other. Life will distract you. It will get busy and stressful and when kids come into the picture it will get even more so. What brought you to the place of wanting to spend the rest of your life with your spouse was your commitment to pursue each other. Don’t forget to talk together, to laugh together, to go out on dates, to prioritize each other. Don’t stop doing these things just because you are married. Love grows as we pursue our spouse. 

2. Forgive Quickly: There is nothing that limits a marriage’s ability to grow than built up resentment. You will be tempted to hold a grudge. You will be tempted to get even by being bitter, but fight against that temptation. There is something amazing that happens when grace is extended in a relationship…intimacy is restored. I want to encourage you to forgive quickly. 

3. Be Patient with each other. Change is a process and not an event. There will be times that you will be so frustrated when the clothes are next to the hamper instead of in the hamper. There will be times when the check book isn’t balanced. You will want more than anything the power to change the other person. But the truth is you don’t have the capacity to change the other person…so be patient as God changes them. Be slow to anger. You will show your love for one another as you demonstrate patience.

What are your thoughts on these 3 and what would you add to the list if you were giving advice to people getting married?