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Sharing Marriage Problems With Your Kids

One of the most common questions we get is, “How much of our marriage problems should we share with our kids?” If you’ve been around RefineUs or read our book, you know that our marriage problems are shared frequently and transparently.

The question comes to us as it...

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Silent Saturday

Silence with God is a good thing. It is often in our silence that God speaks the loudest. We are even commanded in Scripture to “be still and know that He is God.” Our silence helps us feel God’s presence.

Silence from God is completely different. Silence...

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Never an Excuse, Always a Reason

Our vision for RefineUs is to be a place that focuses on our hearts and not our relationship status.

Married, single, dating, single again, remarried, or anywhere in between, this is a place for you. There are times we paint in broad strokes to speak to as many people as possible.

Then there are...

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Nothing Changes Until Something Changes

Most people only communicate what they expect from a relationship after they have been disappointed or let down. That was the first ten years of our marriage.

We talk to people all the time that are unhappy in their marriage, unhappy in a relationship, dissatisfied with a friend, because the...

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Remember the Past, Don't Live In It

I spent most of my Christian life feeling like God was getting a pretty good deal with me. I accepted Christ at church camp when I was 10 years old because the speaker told us if we didn’t we would go to hell. I didn’t want to go to hell, so I raised my hand. I grew up in church, went...

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Redemption and Restoration

Redemption is instant; restoration is a life long process.

Just because a relationship has been saved doesn’t mean it is instantly restored to health. You may have experienced a relationship with a family member or spouse or friend and they hurt you deeply and you chose to stay in the...

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2 Mistakes Couples Make With Counseling

As I’ve transitioned over the past few months to a part time position at Cross Point and full time at RefineUs, we are spending a lot of time around married couples and marriage problems. Trish and I counsel a lot of couples and I refer a lot of couples to counseling. What we’ve...

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Sex Beyond Valentines Day

Happy Valentine’s Day. Today is a big day for most couples. It’s the day of love. The day of romance. The one day we set aside to prioritize the most important relationship in our life.

Because today is the day of romance and desire, we want to talk about sex.

Most couples...

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Back on the Same Page

Trish and I have a key phrase we use when we feel distance in our marriage. We use this when we can tell we are just not hitting on all cylinders. One of us will say what we both are feeling: “I don’t feel like we’re on the same page.” It could be about finances. It might...

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Together We Fight

There is an amazing story in Exodus 17 about a battle that raged between the Nation of Israel and the Amalekites. What is so cool to me about the story is that the Israelites weren’t guaranteed victory. They had the tools to win the battle. They had God’s power to win the battle. But...

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5 Things a Husband Needs to Hear From His Wife

After Justin’s post a few days ago, I wanted to  follow with this post today. I don’t always get this right, but these are 5 things that make a HUGE difference in our marriage. As I speak them into my Justin, our love for one another grows. My guess is your husband...

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5 Things A Wife Needs to Hear From Her Husband

What if I told you that three words could radically transform your marriage…would you say them? What if two words could change the climate of your house when you get home from work? What if asking one question to your wife had the power to reconnect your spiritually…would you ask...

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3 Lies Porn Will Tell You

Three years into our marriage, Trish woke up in the middle of the night and I wasn’t in bed. She walked out into the living room and looked at the TV and I quickly changed the channel. She began to question me about what I was watching; why I was watching that; and asking me repeatedly if I...

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Marriage Help For Couples With Different Faiths

Most Christian couples experience peaks and valleys in their relationship with God. Many times these peaks and valleys aren’t experienced at the same time by each spouse.

In fact, most couples, at some point in their marriage, will be in different places in their relationship with God. We...

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You Aren't Who You Used to Be

I wonder if we live with a sense of discouragement in our lives because we focus too much on how far we have to go and not enough on how far we have come?

It is so easy for me to focus on how much I have yet to do. I can get consumed with how much I need to improve. I should be a better husband;...

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5 Questions to Ask Your Spouse This Week

It is amazing to me how husbands and wives can live in the same house, and drift to a place of disconnection, emotionally, spiritually and physically. It isn’t intentional. It just happens. Trish and I have been in that place. It isn’t fun, but how do you snap out of it? How can you...

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