I want to be desperate for God. I want to desire an intimate relationship with God more than I desire anything else. What is true about me, and maybe true about you is that I tend to pursue and am desperate for what God can do for me, more than I am desperate for God, Himself. I am desperate for...

Conflict is a part of every relationship. What I’ve (Justin) recognized about myself is that most of my relational regrets have conflict attached to them.

I have been in arguments with Trish and have said things that I didn’t mean. I have talked to my kids in a tone of voice that...

For the first 10 years of our marriage I (Justin) avoided conflict at all costs. I didn’t like arguing. I usually lost most arguments and viewed any disagreement as failure as a husband. I equated avoided conflict as resolved conflict.

I was always first to say, “I’m...

In 2009 we shared our story for the very first time during a Sunday morning church service, completely clueless of the ministry God would unleash through us. As I shared in The Gift Part 1:

“That sacred Sunday morning would ignite a passion in Justin and I to create RefineUs...

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. believed every life, regardless of color, economic status or belief system, posses the ability to LOVE. And through the power of love, racism and war could be eradicated, resulting in a world thriving in peace and brotherhood. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was just ONE...

One of the predominant emotions that characterized the first ten years of our marriage was fear. Fear is something we usually equate with traumatic events or circumstances. But fear grips more of our heart than we are often willing to admit.  I lived most of my married life with a...

Our oldest son, Micah has his first basketball game of his senior year tonight. I (Justin) made the huge mistake of going down memory lane,  flipping through old pictures of he, Trish and myself growing up together.

I cried like a baby.

They weren’t tears of sadness, but tears of joy...

You had a dream.

You had a vision.

You had a purpose.

You had a marriage.

You had a relationship with your kids.

Today…you’re tired.

You’ve lost your belief that you can be the mom you wanted to be.

You’ve lost hope you can be the husband she needs you to be.

You’ve...

Everyone wants the secret formula to a great marriage. We all desire to thrive in the relationship that we value most. But the reality is desire isn’t enough. If desire was what it took to have an amazing marriage, we’d all have the marriage of our dreams.

Our choices have to be...

Each week we receive emails from men and women that read our blog faithfully. They too had a vision for their marriage. They dreamed of happily ever after. Some have kids. Some have a house with a white picket fence. All of them had the desire for a life that is drastically different than what...

A few weeks ago our family finally had a quiet evening at home.  We were getting ready to eat when my cell phone rang. It was a familiar name on my caller ID. A pastor of a great and growing church was calling me.

I answered the phone and after saying hello there was a brief moment of...

We have the opportunity to travel and speak a lot about marriage. Most of our content doesn’t come from information we’ve read in books or gained in a classroom. The majority of it has been learned through failure and experience. The thing we’ve noticed as we’ve spoke to...

We talk a lot about having an ordinary marriage. None of us signed up for ordinary. We learn to settle for it over time. Here are a few indicators that you could be in an ordinary marriage.

1. You think that the absence of conflict equals the presence of intimacy.

2. You find yourself keeping...

Every day people search the internet for answers. Medical answers. Parenting tips. Cooking instruction. Marriage help. Every day I can see what people type into their search to find our web site.

The top searches in the picture above is pretty much the same each day. It is sobering to think that...

It is impossible to earn forgiveness. Forgiveness, if it is authentic, is unconditional. Forgiveness is as much for you, the person that is offering it, as it is for the recipient. Trust is something completely different.

Trust has to be earned. Trust is a sequence of relational deposits,...

You are not your past

You are not your failures

You are not your parents

You are not your sister

You are not your regrets

You are not your sin

You are not your weight

You are not your divorce

You are not your unemployment

You are not the choices someone else made for you

You are not your...