Giftedness > Character

When everything melted down with our marriage in 2005, I had a lot of time to reflect and evaluate all the small mistakes that I made that led to the affair. What we realized was the affair was just a symptom of much deeper issues in my life. A few months after we got back together a friend said...

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Affair-Proofing Your Marriage

A few weeks ago, Trisha did a powerful post on 5 Things to Do When Your Spouse Has Had An Affair. I wrote a post on 5 Things You Must Do When You’ve Had An Affair. While we know that part of our ministry is to help couples who are in marital crisis, our heart beats...

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Convection and Shame

I have prayed about this post for a few days now. I have laid in bed thinking through the wording of what I want to say, because I feel it is so important. My hope is that no matter who you are, no matter where you’ve been, no matter your marital status or your tax bracket…this truth...

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Is it Worth It?

I have to admit that there have been times over the past year I have questioned whether it is worth it. Is RefineUs really worth it? Is it worth the pain of telling the story again? Is it worth being vulnerable?  Is it worth it to allow people to see parts of our heart and our darkness that...

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The Cheating Pastor

After one of the services, a lady approached me in the lobby. I had never seen her before, but she looked at me like she knew me. Her first words to me were, “I need to ask for your forgiveness.”  I haven’t had too many conversations with people that I have never met start...

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Running on Empty

I have a disorder. I have the “I want to see how far I can drive AFTER my low fuel light comes on” disorder. Anyone else with me? I’ve gotten to the point now where I keep track of my mileage after the light, trying to beat my own record for mileage driven after the low fuel...

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The Gift of Vision

When Trisha and I separated, I realized that the gift of vision is a gift that can be and should be applied to all areas of my life. As successful as I had become at having vision in ministry, I was equally a failure at applying that to my marriage and in my relationship with my kids. I...

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3 Months Earlier

Yesterday, I asked Trisha if she had read the blog post I had written. I usually talk through each post with her before I write and she speaks into areas that I should change or reconsider. She knew what I was writing about, but she hadn’t read it, yet. She pulled it up and...

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Public Putdowns

One night when Trisha and I were on a date I asked her a question that I wasn’t sure I wanted her to answer honestly. I asked her “What is something that I consistently do that hurts you?” Her answer surprised me, not because she said it, but because it was so obvious, and I...

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The Pain Will Make it More Beautiful

One of the most life impacting books I have read is by Donald Miller called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I love his writing style, I love the transparency that he writes with. But I think the reason I resonate with this book so much is that our journeys have some strong...

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Doing vs. Being

I am in a season right now that is so challenging. It is not a new season, but a reoccurring one. It is something that I have struggled with my entire life, and vocational ministry accelerates the struggle and can lengthen the season. I am wrestling with the balance of “Doing vs....

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Fans vs. Friends

I wasn’t popular in junior high…I take that back…I was popular. It was the popular thing to make fun of me, to pick on me, to beat me up. I saw basketball as my way out…as my way to have friends. If I could make the basketball team, people would like me. If I could be...

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