I remember the very first Valentine’s Day I spent with Trisha. It was 17 years ago today. I borrowed a friend’s car (that was much nicer than mine) and took her to a restaurant called Bennigan’s. I had the Monte Cristo sandwich. Trisha had a salad with Blue Cheese dressing. We went to the movies aft...

One of the predominant emotions that characterized our marriage before the affair was fear. Fear is something we usually equate with traumatic events or circumstances. But fear grips more of our heart than we are often willing to admit.  I lived most of my married life with a spirit of fear:

Fear o...

I am coaching my eight year-old, Isaiah’s basketball team and having a blast. It has been so cool to see him and his teammates grow and improve this season. I love coaching. I was a little surprised last week when I got a call from the commissioner of the league. He called to tell me of some concern...

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I was a better husband. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I was a better dad. Often, those thoughts get the best of me. I think through something I said that crushed one of the boys. I think about how much time I spent over the weekend ...

Its 10:37 and I’m trying to will myself to sleep. The past five days have been a whirlwind of emotions…

On Friday, we had the opportunity to do a RefineUs Ministries marriage retreat at a church where Justin was the youth pastor in 1998. In attendance were three of our students from that student mi...

When we got out of ministry in 2005 we had no desire to ever go back. I started a sales job and started making 3 times the money I was making in ministry…that further confirmed our desire to not go back. When some trusted friends approached us in 2007 and suggested we pray about being restored back ...

Last year, Trisha did a powerful post on 5 Things to Do When Your Spouse Has Had An Affair. I wrote a post on 5 Things You Must Do When You’ve Had An Affair. While we know that part of our ministry is to help couples who are in marital crisis, our heart beats just as much for marriages that haven’t ...

Two years ago this month, Justin and I shared our story for the very first time. Aaron Brockett asked if we would come and share our story at his church, Trader’s Point. At first I told Justin “no”! He didn’t push me and just gave me time to think and pray about it. As time past I felt God nudging m...

I am amazed at the power of time. A few of weeks ago Trisha and I were talking to a married couple. She happened to mention that she struggled with anger and resentment toward her husband. As a follow up question, I said, “How long have you been mad at him?” “Eleven years,” she said. I said somethin...

Most afternoons my boys come home from school, drop their backpacks and head straight for the pantry. With a snack in one hand and a drink in the other they settle in to do homework or watch TV. It’s usually around this time that it dawns on me… I have to make dinner.

Now most people would not cons...

There is a difference between knowing and doing. So often in my life that difference has defined me.

I know I should turn off the TV and play with my kids

I know I should not talk about someone behind his or her back

I know I should forgive my wife when she’s apologized for hurting me

I know I s...

We started this blog almost two years ago. We had no idea what we were doing. One of my best friends told me we could help a lot of people find healing by talking about ours. So our journey began.

I read this quote from Brennan Manning last night that brought tears to my eyes:

Christians who rem...

It doesn’t take much to cause me to doubt.

I don’t struggle too much with doubting God, I struggle with the worst kind of doubt: self-doubt.

God is big enough to handle my doubts. No matter how much I doubt God…he doesn’t change. Self-doubt changes me. I’m not big enough to overcome doubt in mysel...

It happens almost every week. Sometimes it happens a few times per week. We receive an email; a Facebook message or yesterday this was posted on my Facebook wall:

Please help me help my friend navigate through the restoration of her marriage. She had an affair, which was revealed a week ago. Her ...

Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are just missing each other? You just aren’t on the same page…financially; emotionally; as a parent; spiritually. We have been there…recently! There are times that Trisha and I are just not on the same page. As much as we work on our marriage; as much as we ...

On Monday I wrote that there have been many different types of transitions that Justin and I have experienced over the past 17 years together. Some transitions were self-inflicted some inflicted by others. Knowing the topics of transitions our friends will be covering next week I thought I would tac...