Unmet Expectations

I have had so many conversations lately with married couples that are miserable in their marriage. Some still co-exist in the same house, but aren’t really living together. Others have decided to separate, and are considering counseling and trying to work it out. Some have already filed for...

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3 Questions to Ask When Making a Decision

We have spent most of the past two years trying to discover, process and follow God’s will for our life and our family. We have journaled, prayed, fasted, talked, sought advice from wise people. Here are three questions we processed 

  1. What does God want?(What does God say in His word...
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Facebook Didn't Destroy Your Marriage

I have been praying about this post the past few days…praying that God allows me to communicate my heart in a way that makes sense and helps provoke a change of perspective.

Over the past five months there has been a trending topic that has lead hundreds of people to our blog. The #1...

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I'm Okay...You're Okay

For years one of my biggest fears was asking for help. When you pretend like you have all the answers, why would you need help? I remember one time in 1999, we were not doing well financially, so Trisha asked our senior pastor Mark Malin and his wife if they would help us create a budget. She...

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The Absence of Conflict

A few weeks ago, I was talking to someone on the phone who had just admitted to an affair, resigned his position as youth pastor at his church, and is at the start of a very, very long journey. In the course of our conversation I said “I measured the success of my marriage by the absence of...

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8 Things that Restored Our Marriage-Part 8

There are a number of things that Trisha and I could write about in our last post on the principles that restored our marriage, but this concept of hope is probably the most important. So we are going to each take a few minutes to talk about how Restoration principle #8 played out for each of us...

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8 Things that Restored Our Marriage-Part 7

As we come to the last two principles of our “8 Things that Restored Our Marriage” series, I have to admit I have struggled with these last two posts. We have not posted in over a week, not because we didn’t have anything to say, but because there was so much we could say, I...

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8 Things that Restored Our Marriage-Part 6

One of the things that was so frustrating to me in my walk with God until Trisha and I separated was the fact that I struggled with the same sins over and over and over. I made repeated promises to God that I wouldn't commit a particular sin ever again. I asked for forgiveness and would do great...

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8 Things that Restored Our Marriage-Part 5

I am going to take a risk and say that Part 5 of our series will not illicit as many questions, responses and emails as Part 4. We have been so grateful and consider it a huge honor to receive your emails and your questions. The level of honesty and transparency that so many readers of RefineUs...

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Follow up Thoughts to Part 4

Before we move on to Part 5 of our series tomorrow, I feel like God prompted us to pause and bring clarity to some things Trisha talked about in part 4. Her post last Friday was the most viewed and raised the most questions of anything we have written so far...which is awesome! We want to be...

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8 Things that Restored Our Marriage-Part 4

The X Factor - "An unknown or hard-to-define influence; a factor with unknown or unforeseeable consequences."

I would venture to say that the “X Factor” could easily be changed to the “seX Factor” in most marriages today. Sex seems to be the “unknown or...

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8 Things that Restored Our Marriage-Part 3

I am pretty sure that this post is going to tick some people off. I am confident that there will be some people that read this next principle and think that I am being legalistic; that I am going to extremes and that I am not in touch with culture. Some of you will read this post and you will say...

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